If you think about that lone statement it can speak volumes to how we live our lives. What comes to the top of my list in relationship to this is concentrating on my health and making time for self awareness and improvement. I have written of my struggle to put on my shoes to take that walk or even taking time to sit and write. Well, the fact of the matter for me is that if I don't take these steps seriously and stay on this journey, My quality of life will not become a habit and any changes I make can end up being short lived. I need to stay true to my quest for self improvement and turn these changes into habits that shape the improved version of me for the long haul.

Here I go again, finding myself surrounded by "inspiration". These days it feels like I am be hit repeatedly over the head with it but with each blow, instead of pain I received yet another confirmation of what I want to do with my life. It feels great to be in a constant state of awareness of my future possibilities. I ma not know the specifics but I finally feel like I have direction now and that will carry me on my journey.

Wishing you Happiness and Light!

Until next time,

Laura D.

I am a control freak who loves change but loves to be in control of that change. It may be hard to understand (believe me, I'm still working on figuring it all out) but the bottom line is I need to be more flexible when life brings the unexpected change. 

In thinking about my husbands potential in the future, I realize that if he follows his dream I will be forced to leave my job. This could be years away but I always figured I would retire where I am and figure out what wonderful things I want to do with my life in retirement. Now I am facing the very real possibility of needing to make a change much sooner than I had planned. Like I have said before, "We plan and God laughs!" Ultimately I have come to realize that it's all part of the journey. 

Today I though a lot about this potential for change in my future and realized that it may be just a blessing. It may be that "window" of opportunity that opens allowing me to follow my own dreams by tuning in to what I really want to do in life that will make me happy. Now I am faced with the challenge of focusing in on what that is. I feel energized about that and look forward to facing my true potential and excited to think about where this upcoming journey may take me! I decided that my first step is to get back to serious focus on writing my 2nd book and pour my energy into that process. It's going to be a great learning for me!

Lesson for the day: Be flexible in life because you never know what opportunities may be just around a corner and if you stay safe in your comfort zone, you may miss out.

Wishing you happiness and light!

Until next time,

Laura D.

As I walked my first 1/4 mile I was finally able to connect to something that had been bothering me for years. Let me start by saying, I am married to a wonderful man and my love for him has no limits. However, for many years I have always felt that I was living in his shadow and that somehow he was dulling my shine because of all the great qualities that naturally draw people to respect him. 

Today I started to focus on why I felt that way and realized one very important thing. He could never dull my shine (nor would he ever want to). The only person who has the capability to do that is me. I am the person who has the ultimate power over my own self perception and over the years have been dimming my own light and much worse, somewhat blaming my husband's greatness. It really sounds ridiculous writing it out and actually looking at the words but sadly it's true.

My self reflection has helped me to see that I need to build my self esteem, climb out from behind the imaginary shadows in my head and find my light. You see the difference between me and my husband is that he has all the self confidence in the world. He believes in himself and doesn't feel the need for others to tell him he's a good man because he is true to himself and has the confidence to stand in his truth. Although I have been really working on myself over the last several years, it occurs to me that I am still lacking in the self esteem needed to believe in myself in the same way.

In the future my husband will be making major life changes that will put him in the spotlight. Knowing that makes me understand that I need to fight to keep my own light shining brightly an not allow myself to get lost in a world that revolves around him. Don't get me wrong, I love him and support everything he does. I will stand by his side and be his strongest supporter. What I'm talking about is not compromising my own dreams while he lives his. Finding my light will continue to be a challenge but if I stay on the path of self reflection and growth, I have every reason to believe I will be able to keep my eyes on my own destiny and keep moving.

Well it's date night and time to get myself ready to have dinner with my hubby.

Lesson for today: I learned that I have to be careful not to blame others for perceptions I create for and about myself. 

Wishing you happiness and light!

Until next time,

Laura D. 

If you aspire to "Inspire", how does one go about doing that? Well I think I discovered the answer to that question while being away with my husband on a weekend getaway. I had been thinking that I would need to tap into resources in books, check into communication classes and research how people who have built their lives around their superior abilities to inspire others. While most of that will be very helpful and certainly help to hone my skills, the truth is sometimes our ability to inspire or be inspired by others just happens. When it does, it is glorious! 

It all started at the spa.....

I walked in as the "9:00 appointment" for the day at the spa we were staying at and walked out with my spirit soaring and it wasn't the haircut!

There was an immediate bond with my stylist that day. Within the first 5 minutes we discovered we had many personal traits in common and we felt and chatted during my hour long appointment as if we had been the best of friends for many years. We shared stories about our families, life experiences and I spoke of my journey that started when I wrote and recorded my song "They Believe" and also spoke of the process I went through when I wrote "The Soldiers Left Behind". She was such a great listener and I was thrilled to share with her the message that was intended behind both. I wasn't sharing this information like a laundry list of things I have accomplished in my life. I was just so energized to share my message with someone that had a genuine interest.

As we were finishing up with my new hair style and our discussion, she looked at me and said "you know I have to tell you that we have another thing in common" I could see in her eyes and sensed almost immediately what she was thinking. I then asked her "are you a writer too?" getting more excited. She said that she was and that not only was she writing a book, she was working on a screenplay for a movie. I was instantly inspired by her excitement and she looked at me and said "you have inspired me to keep writing". Those words shook my spirit to the core and I found myself in a state of bliss that was difficult to contain! I encouraged her to share more of writings and was even more excited. I insisted that she needed to keep writing because her ideas where really good. I hated that our time needed to come to an end but my appointment was over and I knew she was busy. As we started to say our goodbyes, she looked at me and said "I wish you lived closer, I would just love to grab a cup of coffee with you and just hang out". I told her I would be thrilled if we could stay in touch and if she would write down her full name so I could keep an eye open for her book. She went above and beyond and actually gave me her phone number and asked me to be sure that I keep in touch!

Walking out of the spa that day I felt as if my spirit was barely being contained in my body. I felt it was literally soaring by such a positive experience! So you see, sometimes the best of inspiration is given and received when we least expect it. She expressed that I inspired her but truth be to tell, I was equally inspired and thrilled to make such a special spiritual connection with a complete stranger.

As I took my walk today I realized that it would serve humanity well for us to find a way to inspire, encourage, or just share a kindness with even those we don't know. Afterall, looking back on the days immediately following 9/11, I was witness to several encounters when complete strangers would just look in the eyes of people standing near them at the grocery store, work, anywhere in public and would just have this "knowing" and genuine concern for their fellow man. We lifted each other up, comforted one another and happily supported one another without complaint, question or hesitation. It occurs to me now that we need to challenge ourselves not to wait for the next crisis to come together, but to show this type of humanity as a daily practice.

I know this won't resolve the whole "world peace" issue but it sure would be a great first step!

Lesson for the day: Inspiration can be an equal blessing for both the person giving and receiving..

Wishing you Love, Happiness and Light!

Until next time,

Laura D.

I looked at the rain coming down in sheets earlier today and almost talked myself right out of taking my walk after work. Funny thing is that when we plan God laughs.... 

By the time I finished work for the day I made my way to the window to see if I could still call off my walk due to the pouring down rain. Low and behold the rain had stopped! Now the sky wasn't blue and it was still "misting" like it does here but no rain. At that point I no longer had my excuse so I drug myself to the closet, pulled out my shoes and headed out to pound the pavement.

At first I struggled with where I should begin with my thoughts and one word popped into my head that changed everything "Inspire". 

Let me just say the word inspire has been resonating with me for many years. Back when I was starting to enter into a part of my life when I would need to give presentations at work in front of large audiences and had started to speak to other military wives on the topic of facing deployment, a good friend gave me a rubbing stone. It's a small little rock basically, smooth on both sides. On this rock the word "Inspire" was inscribed. My spirit immediately responded to the significance of that word and I held that rubbing stone in my hands every time I spoke to large crowds of people. It was a constant reminder of my purpose for that day in that moment.

When I thought about what "inspire" would have to do with how I want to improve my self image I realized that it was a direct connection with both a goal I set for myself in the near future and one of those I would consider "way out there". I have a servants heart and although I loose sight of my own strengths sometimes, the time I feel most "alive" in my spirit is when I can inspire others. Once I allowed myself to journey down that path I started to apply it to what it could mean for me and the direction I would love to see my life take. 

I have a short term goal to improve my communication skills. I want to be the type of communicator that leaves her audience with a deep connection to the message and not a focus on me as the presenter. I have no aspirations to be hugely famous for being a great public speaker. I would much rather have audiences walk away from any speaking engagement more focused on the message itself. I would love to be the vehicle to bring that clarity to others without being some "figure head" that just stands up and talks at you. Kind of like that wizard behind the curtain....

So coming to terms with these thoughts led me down a path of starting to focus in on how I can develop my communication skills and really use them to make a difference by inspiring others. I feel we were all blessed with one gift or another in this life that allows us to follow the path intended for us. I'm no different. Some people have been blessed with melodic tones that inspire your spirit through song, others are blessed with the amazing ability to reach people through the written word and so forth... I feel I was blessed with the ability to see life a little differently than others. I feel my purpose is tied to this gift. The gift of being able to help people move beyond their own adversities, come to terms with them, learn by them and grow because of them. I have a deep passion to inspire others to recognize things about themselves that they could not see, realize they are never too old to pursuit their dreams and to know deep down that even when they fall, they can always get back up.

I'm not sure what will come next for me but it feels so good to finally see what was in front of me for many years. I want to be the vehicle to bring my message of inspiration to others. I'm not quite sure how yet. I have so much work to continue with when it comes to improving my communication skills and building up my self esteem but I finally feel like I have something to aim for!

My Lesson for Today: I learned that we should keep our eye on the prize and stop playing these silly games with ourselves that have potential to keep us from learning our life lessons (for me the rain today). I also learned that when I met my commitment to put on my walking shoes, I was blessed with answers I have been searching so long for and it paid HUGE dividends today!

Well I am off to pack for a surprise get away thanks to my wonderful husband!

Wishing you all passion in all that you do, happiness and light!

Until next time,

Laura D.

I have been out of the walking game for so long that I had forgotten how good it truly feels to get my shoes on, hit the pavement and get a good walk under my belt. I realized today how much time I have missed getting to know myself better. I also realized that once I started to reflect and finally come to terms with my deployment issues that I wasn't done with the work. 

The thought came to me early on my journey today. I can't simply stop working on myself because I resolved one issue. I need to work every day to learn my intended lessons. Afterall, if we ever stop learning we cease to grow and I believe that learning and growth is the reason we are here. 

My lesson today was key to taking yet another deep dive into my life and searching for answers to questions that have been haunting me and holding me back for the last few years and some for much of my life.

I started to change my life 5 weeks ago and decided to take on the challenge of loosing the extra weight I gained while living a sedentary life. During this process I am teaming with a girlfriend who is taking on these challenges herself. While we were having our weekly meeting today to talk about how the week was going we both decided to actually schedule time to be dedicated to us and our journey for self improvement.

Thinking about that made me question what it is that truly makes me happy about me and the person I am. I realized during my walk today that it really boils down into three groups:

• What makes me happy about the person I am today?
• What would make me happier about the person I am that can be achieved by setting goals and sticking with them?

And last but most important:

Addressing the next question really turned into a laundry list of short and long term goals for myself. Not for those around me. I am specifically talking about self improvement. I spent a nice bit of time thinking about what things in my life I can change or aspire to change in the near future that would make me feel better about me. 

I truly believe that the way the world sees us is absolutely driven by how we view ourselves first and foremost. I know I have spent too much time focusing on what others think of me and haven't given what I think of myself a moments thought. The truth is, instead of creating my own truth and coming to acceptance of myself (warts and all), I was letting myself be defined by what others thought of me. The fact is, we should never let other people, our own shortcomings or struggles define who we are as people. When we decide to get real with ourselves and let our true light shine, others will see the truth in us as well. Yeah that was a little deep but I was really stuck working on this thought today. It's just so true for me personally. I let my failures and limitations define who I am for so long that eventually I just turned that role into a lifestyle. Deep down I guess the fact that I eventually get back to the work of self improvement shows that isn't the real me. It is merely the "me" I was reflecting to the world. 

Well it's time to get serious about making real change and I'm truly looking forward to the journey.

The third question: What is something I consider really out of reach that I feel in my soul would make me happy?

This is the question that will help guide me through life. I try to encourage my children to dream big and that nothing should be out of reach if they want to pursuit it. The fact is I believe regardless of our age we can do anything we set our minds to. If we limit our lives to a perfect little box we consider our "comfort zone", we may miss the right and left turns our lives may take that could lead to bigger and better opportunities for us to learn or excel. If we know what our passions are (no matter how out of reach they may seem) and we stay open to change, we are bound to be surprised where life takes us. Sounds like an exciting ride to me! 

Well, laundry and dishes are calling so I will sign off today.

Lesson of the day: Learn to love yourself and stay true to the person you really are. People will always appreciate that about you.

Wishing you happiness and light!

Laura D.

Growing up I was always a chubby kid and often looked like a boy. That was me on the outside but on the inside I always felt like I wanted to be the more slender girl with beautiful hair who looked more feminine. Once I reached 11 or so I started to really dislike the person that I looked like on the outside and in turn started the process of turning that inward to a place of self-loathing. People often made fun of me as I was in the latter years of grade school because I just didn't fit in but somehow even though I didn't think very much of myself, I felt a kinship with those around me that were in the same boat as me. The outcast. These were the people that always ate lunch alone, had the same people constantly making fun of them and quite often would be clearly left out of games and activities with the "cool" kids during recess. These were my friends back in those days. I figured that just because they were different (or they were seen by the bullies as being different), didn't mean that they didn't have feelings and need friends just like I did. Funny thing is, even now when I ask others (some of the cool people) about what my nerdy friends were up to, it seems as if they have been long since forgotten including by me.

By the time I reached 6th grade, I made friends with a "new girl" that was very pretty but for some reason everyone was picking on her. She had changed schools a lot and I decided that if nobody else was going to treat her kindly, I was going to try to be her friend. We ended up being friends long into adult hood and she actually changed my life in ways I didn't expect.

I learned over the summer between 6th and 7th grade how to wear makeup, do my hair and what type of clothes were in style. By the time I started middle school I had also slimmed down and was finally starting to look and feel great about myself. Better yet, I was starting school with my new best friends and I finally thought I had a great chance to be popular or at least fit into my surroundings and not get picked on. Little did I know I was entering a year that would change the person I was for a very long time.

Let me just start by saying for a young girl, middle school can be brutal. The bullies in middle school seemed to be on steroids compared to what I thought was going on in grade school. Although I had gotten my act together on the outside, nothing prepared me for what I faced when I walked through the halls of school each day. The girls were so mean and it was not just about what you looked like on the outside that mattered, it was all about gossip. Worse yet, my new best friend that I had taken under my own wings when she felt out of place, had engaged with the mean girls and our relationship was a roller coaster of being friends then enemies at the drop of a hat and I never knew when it was going to slap me in the face. What I did know is that when our relationship went south, I was always left to fend for myself through the gossip and horrible things that were said about me (99% untrue but good gossip). Needless to say my self esteem took a major dive and I started to turn inward for a while and gravitated towards people who were such bad influences just so I could feel I fit in somewhere. My parents could have done nothing to really help me weather those stormy days. I was truly on my own to find my way through each day and try to find a reason not to cry myself to sleep each night. It all changed drastically one day when a large group of girls (30-40 aprox), cornered me in the girls locker room totally intending to give me a good beat down because of some horrible piece of gossip that not only was untrue but when I finally heard what it was I was "supposed" to have said, a complete shock to me. I was saved by the gym teacher, ran out of the school that day and never looked back.

My mom worked hard to make sure I was getting the school I needed by putting me in a school for people like me who didn't seem to fit in and I actually excelled but by that time my self-esteem was in the tank. Worst of all, it made me so fearful of other people that I kept my circle of friends close and those I did associate with during that time seemed to be a horrible influence. By the time I met my first husband when we were both still in high school, I had turned my focus back to my studies but I truly believe the scars from my middle school years were what continued to haunt me well into adulthood and sometimes continue to surface. Bethany often says "it's not always about, what it's about" and by that she means that issues from your past may very well be the things that influence experiences in your future. I guess the key is in recognizing it. This is a chain I would very much love to break! 

I do have more self confidence but still search for constant validation, am sometimes timid around new people, don't like crowds and am quite frequently full of self-doubt.

I have reached far outside of my comfort zone to try new things and live life more fully and have learned to live more comfortably in my own skin but I still feel like the puzzle of "who I am" is still missing pieces. I guess that's why I continue to search and why I know it's important to look back at the bad stuff in order to leave behind the horror and take away only the lessons. 

Lesson for the day: I have a more clear picture now of how and when my "childhood noise" started. I learned it has nothing to do with my parents and how I was raised and I also learned that it can improve if I "choose" it. Looking back on the last 10-15 years I have been choosing to make it better and gained some of what I know is tied to the person I really am. I believe we all have this capability, we only need to recognize where our issues honestly started, accept them, make a decision to change things and then get about the business of making the changes.

Wishing you Hope, Happiness and Light!

Until next time,

Laura D.

My husband arrived yesterday for a weekend visit and he was a little out of sorts because of a lack of sleep and a long journey to get here. The funny thing is, as soon as he showed up I went immediately back into my insecure needs for validation that he was happy to be here with me. I knew he was tired but somehow I couldn't help but continuously ask him if he was ok and even let him know it didn't seem like he was happy to see me. I swear this getting to know yourself and learning to be happy with who you are, stop seeking the validation from others and the overwhelming need to make sure I am being appreciated is so much more difficult than just "writing it out".

I guess the truth of the matter is that for me I will need to take baby steps and stop setting expectations for myself that I am unable to meet. After all "Rome wasn't built in a day" as they say.... 

So I think I need to focus on looking even closer into my soul and search for the person that I think I am, figure out the person I know in my spirit I want to be and figure out how to close the gap and learn that I have the power to be that person. 

I think what may be helpful to me is to start with the childhood "noise" that always seems to drag me out of a place of confidence and the power to believe in who I am and what I want to become.

I would never want to complain too much about my family life because in looking at the big picture, I had it pretty good. I could have received more encouragement to reach for my dreams and been told that I could do anything I set my mind to more often but I won't put all the blame at my parent's feet. They were a product of how they were raised. They did the best they could. They loved each other and we always knew they loved us. They just didn't always know how to be the kind of parents that perhaps I imagined they should have been. Here's the thing, I always wished for a childhood that was different but having been removed from it for so many years now I realize that so many kids had it truly bad. I just had this "fairy tale" thinking, almost "leave it to Beaver" or "Brady Bunch" vision of how parents should relate to their children. Yep, I watched a lot of television growing up and although I could always separate reality from the fictional situations on television, I don't think I ever learned that the relationships between parents and child were often just as far fetched as the story line itself.

I wanted perfect and it was too much to ask of 2 people that were not raised in a perfect or even good situation themselves and therefore could never be expected to know what "perfect" looked or feels like. I will say that for years I did hold resentment for how I thought I was treated. However, it wasn't until the last several years that I was able to realize they did remarkably well considering how they themselves were raised. Both of them had "father noise" and not the petty stuff I used to complain about. They dealt with daily pain emotional and physical at the hands of their parents. I used to think someday I would be able to "forgive" them for stuff from my childhood but now I know the only thing I owe them is my gratitude. I am so thankful that they both found a way to break the cycle of abuse (emotional and physical) and made a conscious decision not to raise us the way they were raised. 

It's an evolving cycle really, they wanted better for us and in turn when I raised my children I wanted to do better than my parents. Having said that, I know for a fact that my daughter is already thinking the same thing now that she is expecting her first child. The bottom line is that in every generation we have made strides to improve the relationship with our children that have surpassed the way we were raised. In Bethany's "A Place of Yes", she states that our first order of business should be to "Break the Chain". So I guess I am on my way! I realize it, I am grateful for it and more surprisingly to me, I don't have any negative thoughts about my daughter wanting to learn from lessons I created by my parenting and do better than I was able to do. We are all truly evolving and I have no doubt that when our grand child grows up and has children of her own she will be looking to do the same.

So I guess I'm not so abnormal after all. Families have been going through these very cycles for generations. Each one taking lessons they learned from history and patterns they vowed not to repeat. 

Lesson for the day: I learned that I have truly come to grips with my "family childhood noise" and I've even learned that it's a good thing that not only did I break the cycle but appreciate that my parents did as well. Heck I even learned that I am not resentful about my upbringing but actually grateful. I have loving parents who did teach me many "life lessons" but it just took me most of my life to actually find them.

My "childhood noise" has many layers and starting with my upbringing is just the tip of the iceberg. I know there are many more lessons waiting for me in the deepest corner of my closet just waiting to be unveiled.

I'll continue this journey until I find as many as possible and figure out what chains still remain that need to be broken.

Wishing you hope, happiness and light!

Until Next Time,

Laura D. 

I think that is the missing part of all my recent discovery. I need to get to know myself. My REAL self. The person that is open to hearing her inner voice that provides that critical direction, is in touch with her inner spirit and can honestly say I love myself. I'm starting to understand that you can't truly love, relate to and appreciate others for who they are until you understand what makes you the person you are and learn to love that person (you) first.

On Oprah Winfrey's last show she talked about how some of us need validation in our lives to tell us that we are good enough. For my entire life I have been "that" person. It's been the elusive validation that drove me to make choices that were not the best and at times caused me self inflicted pain by the mere fact that I didn't feel worthy. I needed to know that my voice was worth listening to because I have something to say and offer others that I feel add value. Not only did I "need" people to love me, I needed them to tell me why (again need for validation I was worthy). I think the pieces are starting to come together for me slowly but surely and I am picking up so many tools to help me get to this place of inner peace. I guess for me I just needed to want to search for it. I needed to know in my spirit that I worth loving and being the best "me" I could be. 

I have discovered so many things about myself and perhaps just knowing I need to learn to truly love myself is the most valuable lesson so far. I'm a loving person, always strive to have a servant's heart, want to teach others always and help others to learn to live their lives with purpose and a better understanding of "self".  I find myself at peace the most when I feel as if I am inspiring others by coaching them to push beyond the wildest dreams they could ever imagine and learn to take every challenge they come across along the way and turn them into the lessons and part of the journey that help them achieve things in their lives they would never have imagined. 

See I understand and believe in my very soul in all that I write. It's my own journey to take the lessons I am learning every day, with every moment of self reflection and start to truly apply them to my own life. I honestly feel as if I am changing. It's a subtle change day to day but I know in my heart it's there, it's really happening. 

After I fell apart when my husband deployed the 2nd time, I felt I had no business standing in front of military wives trying to encourage them to keep moving forward while I was riding my own personal roller coaster I just wanted to jump off of. I know now that I can stand in front of those women and take them on the journey with me instead of being tour guide through life, I can walk each step with them. I feel as if I can be humble enough to admit I don't know all the answers, perhaps not only can I encourage others, more than likely I will learn from them as well.

Kind of deep for a Saturday morning but I'm just going with the flow. I write as I "feel". "Writing it out" is healing for me and believe it or not is actually a learning experience for me. As I write I discover my inspiration, find answers I seek and keep myself moving forward. Sometimes it's as short as a few paragraphs and on other days it seems like more of a book but the important part is that it truly "ME". No filters, just my thoughts, my emotions and my discoveries. Sure it's open for the world to read and hey if someone gets even a little bit of knowledge or can relate in some way to my journey and it helps them in even the smallest way, I know it's been worth taking the journey.

Lesson for today: I think we all have to start somewhere and truly take the time for self reflection. Clear out the "noise" in your head that has impacted your life and learn to tune into the voices that guide you and help you to see the person you truly are. Try to make a connection even if only in a small way every day. Learn to ask yourself even the toughest questions about how your life has gone, how you want it to go and more importantly what have you learned along the way that can guide you through your future.

Wishing you hope, happiness and light!

Until Next Time,

Laura D.