The Soldiers Left Behind - BlogThe Soldiers Left Behind Blog
Deployment Round 2 - Felt like "Survivor" on steroids
Sorry it's been so long since I have written. There is no way for me to truly describe how much of an impact there was to my family and me personally when my husband was deployed for his second tour of duty to Iraq. He deployed in the summer of 2008 for yet another year. However this deployment would take him to an area that was far more dangerous then experienced during his first tour. This deployment would put him in harms way with every mission. Just knowing this came with an additional level of stress that I did not experience the first time around. What took me completely by surprise was that during his time away, my own challenges would escalate to a level that I often wondered if I would be able to survive.
While during the last deployment I had stressful circumstances on occasion, the challenges I faced during this round began almost immediately following his touching down at his new duty station.
This list of challenges included the death of my uncle, the death of my husband's grandmother and the near death of my own father. In addition, we had to put down 3 of our beloved pets due to illness, I had major surgery on my spine and to top it all off my husband was discovered to have a disorder that impacted the ability for his blood to clot.
The events that unfolded throughout the year threw me into a severe sense of depression that I would constantly look for ways to pull myself out of. However, whenever I would begin to feel like I could manage life, a new challenge would arise that seemed to drag me back down the hole of despair. I would find myself shutting down completely and unable to reach out and ask for help. It's only been recently that I have been able to look back on the year past and search for the lessons that I learned along the way.
Someone once said "The challenges that life throws our way only make us stronger", If that were my reality I would be able to "Leap tall buildings in a single bound!" Unfortunately it is difficult to see the strength we are gaining while we are going through life's hurdles. Or for me, the grenades I felt was dodging every step of the way.....
"Normal" is not a word we use in our household because we have learned that life is constantly changing and "normal" just doesn't exist for us any longer. However we have learned to adjust to our current circumstances and take things one day at a time. For a control freak like myself, this is the most difficult but I am trying very hard to identify things in my life I can control and accept those that I can't. I think that is a great lesson for us all. Will we ever be perfect? I don't think anyone truly can be. However, as long as we continue to wake each day, get out of bed, remember to breath in and out all day long and try to see the good in people, we should feel good about giving ourselves an "A" for effort!
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