So let me start by saying that "Sunday Dinner" was really great! I think back on the post when I first started a few days ago and remembered writing that I have a great family and I want to take them on my life journey and I truly believe making time for these "Sunday Dinners" is the perfect way to start. I tried not to expect perfection because let's face it, no family is perfect and I think that helped during the few quick "moments" when I wondered if things would take a turn from the positive time we were all having. At the end of the day, the food was great, the company even better and my feeling of "living life" was in full effect. I happily call that success! I also look forward to many more such dinners and time spent enjoying my family.

Today started out very normal. Up at 4:00 and online with work by the end of my first cup of coffee. I worked a long 9 hour day again and was definitely ready for my walk by the end of my shift. I did get off to a rocky start when I locked myself out of my house before I even got out of the driveway. Thankfully we had forgotten to lock one of our windows and I was able to make my way in to get the necessary keys so I could finally take off.

The weather here is much better today. It hadn't been as cold and even stopped raining long enough for me to complete my little walk. Today I made it 4 times around the track (a personal best)! 

I was amazed that the thoughts came to me so quickly today. It's as if that little "light bulb" in my head went off as soon as I started pounding the pavement. I talked a lot yesterday about how I did not choose to marry a man in the military and it occurred to me that the mere fact I didn't choose it may very well be my struggle today. Please try to stay with me now.... what I realized today is that I still have not "chosen" the military life. I am merely living in it. I have yet to make the commitment  to myself or my husband that I am willing to accept this way of life and all that comes with it. It may sound silly but being the control freak that I am makes this an important realization. I choose to walk every day now because I committed to myself to get up and move. I choose to work each day because I made a commitment to me and my family to contribute financially. Get where I am going with this??? I do these things with purpose because I have "chosen" to. So the question remains.... how do I make the "choice" to live a military life? Can I still even make that choice? My husband only has 2 years left before he retires from the military but I truly feel that if I am going to make peace with my feelings about his deployment that I truly need to commit and officially make the "choice" for myself that I want to be married to a man in the military.

This isn't intended to be a reflection on whether or not I want to stay married. I am committed to and love my husband more today than the day I married him. Instead perhaps it is a new commitment to him and myself to accept him as the military man he is and the military family we have become.  There was a time when we talked about renewing our vows but this time in an official military ceremony in hopes that it would not only remind us of our commitment to one another, but also as a way for me to literally marry that military man with all the bells and whistles that come along with such a ceremony. I'm not sure that's an option for us but if it were I can tell you that my vows would certainly be different this time around.  I still have many questions to answer about how to make that all important "choice" but at least I am starting to get answers with my reflections. 

The fact is, my husband and I speak often of my struggles and the difficulties and regrets that he has in choosing to join the military after we married. Most of it revolve around me and the kids. The fact is, every day he wakes up and puts on that military uniform, he manages to jump out of bed with much enthusiasm and pride. I would never want to take that away from him or make him feel bad about it. Many people who love what they do have the same way of greeting each day and they are lucky. It's just being in the military calls for more sacrifice that impacts not only the soldiers but their families and sometimes those sacrifices can be great and cost the soldier everything they hold dear.

I said when I started this journey that there would be more questions than answers and even though that may be true, I will take whatever answers I do get and keep working on the questions that remain. 

Lesson for the day: Don't stop searching for answers to life's biggest questions. Keep the people and things that are important to you close and stayed engaged in life. Keep moving forward through the challenges life presents and I can't say this enough... Live life like every day matters because it does!

Until next time,

Laura D.