As I have written before, I can't bring myself to watch that show but for some reason the commercials for the upcoming episodes continue to haunt me today and it was today that I started to wonder if it was God adding a little help in my effort to focus on the issues at hand.

Just as before the commercial for the upcoming episode came across the television and  although I had the TV on mute, the words that came across the screen struck at my very core. To paraphrase, they were as follows: "Military wives NEED to be strong alone..... but when they stand together they are stronger..."

I couldn't shake these words all day and by the end of my work day I was eager to jump into my walking shoes to start thinking about what those words meant to me with my own struggle. This is a complex subject so I will break this apart and talk about each piece of it...

"Military wives need to be strong alone" - Well this is really where it all starts for each and every one of us who has been through is facing or currently going through a deployment. The fact of the matter is that every day living through a military deployment a military spouse must suit up not only with the clothes on their backs but must always reach for their personal issue "emotional battle armor". Sure there are plenty of strong independent women on this planet. Those who get up every day and do great things all on the their own, raising families, running businesses, helping others, etc.... but the emotional battle armor is more about dealing with all the uncertainty and fear faced on a daily basis. It's about knowing what to tell your children when they hear a story about the war on television or hear about it in school, it's about knowing how to talk to them about where there dad or mom is without creating an environment of fear. It's about knowing what to say when they see the protesters on overpasses on the freeway, it's about facing an empty bed when you lay your head down at night when you are used to having someone beside you.

Don't get me wrong here, before I met my husband I considered myself the strongest I had ever been as a woman. I was no longer the scared little girl that married at 18 so she wouldn't have to face a world of people she was not even comfortable saying hello to. I had a good job, was supporting myself and my kids and was happier than I had been since I could remember and mostly because I was doing it ON MY OWN.

I was totally unprepared for the fact that I would happily let go of part of my own identity when I met and married my husband. We grew so close that we really did turn into "John and Laura" rather than John and/or Laura.  I have known this about my situation since I wrote my book after his first deployment. I did however think that I had a handle on things for a long time having made that realization. I knew that I didn't really have a life that belonged to me outside of our marriage and sadly I never did any work to change that. I mean I wrote my book, my song, performed in front of hundreds of people and even gave a few talks to other military wives but I didn't really build on anything that would sustain me in the years to follow. I actually believed with deployment number 2 that I had it all figured out and I would be fine. After all, I survived the first one and I was smarter this time. The problem is that because I didn't work hard to continue building the independence I started to take back when he was deployed the first time, I was standing alone and found myself without the battle armor needed to make the journey. I just realized for the first time today that I need to commit to being Laura DiPrete with or without my husband because as a military wife I know he isn't always going to be here and I NEED to be strong.

As for "but when they stand together they are stronger" - Well that hit a home run for me today as well. Even before my husband deployed the first time I was already building solid relationships with the women that

 would stand by me shoulder to shoulder, each one of them including myself wearing their battle armor prepared to take on anything that attacked anyone of us. We were a strong group of women and even though some relationships were closer than others, at the end of the day I knew if I needed I could pick up a phone and call any one of them if I needed help in any way and let me just that I did and it felt good to have the support that only someone walking the same journey as you can offer.

So where did things go wrong there? I truly believe that when our men returned the first time, some of us stayed friends but we all got so caught up in the glory of having made it through that we forgot to continue to foster the relationships we created and for some of us whose husbands moved on to other units we neglected to foster new relationships with other military wives. Whether we were "deployed" or not, these relationships are a necessary part of getting through this type of experience. I can say for sure that my neglect to really connect to the new people involved in my husband's unit had a direct impact on me. First of all the Family Support structure was different and let's face it, although we want to, we can't recreate something so wonderful when there are different people involved. With that being said, I did try in the beginning to involve myself with the other wives but it was just never the same and when I fell down the rabbit hole of depression, it seemed nobody noticed and until today I was really bitter about that. Heck I may still be a little bitter but I can't lay all the blame at this fine group of women. I could have been example given the knowledge I had and pushed hard to make sure we came together more often and supported each other no matter what. I could have worked so much harder to build these relationships. Instead, I turned all of that support off and climbed deeper into a depression I am still trying to pull myself out of. I know there is nothing I can do to change how things went down the 2nd time around. I can however put in the effort necessary to make things better moving forward and that is exactly what I am going to try to do.

Lesson for today: I guess more than anything today I learned that the emotional battle armor is a must and even when you are meeting people new to this concept, it's important to share this insight and your common struggles. It's also important to share the reasons why this helps survive even the toughest day. I also learned that facing these specific issues are tough for me and I know I have a lot of work to do but am so eager with my recent insight to continue to move forward!

Wishing you happiness, hope and light!

Until next time,

Laura D.