I don't know where to start. I am starting to feel as if the world is spinning in a direction that is trying to pull away my control and feeling of confidence once again. At this time last Friday I was writing about needing to pray for the poor people in Japan who had suffered a record breaking earthquake followed by a tsunami and listened to discussion about the nuclear plants being horribly unstable and the fear of radiation exposure being expressed more and more.

While all was going on in Japan, the horrible circumstances in Libya were slowly reaching headline news. As the week progressed they became more prominent and now today our President puts our military on notice that we will be part of an International military campaign to save the lives of the people in Libya from being executed by their government if a cease fire does not happen immediately.

Now I heard as everyone else that there would be NO ground troops sent in. Somehow though it is still unsettling. I fear for those who will be called to duty and pray for not only them but their families. With all of that being said, I can't shake the familiar feeling that swallows me up every time something of significance happens in the world and wonder if somehow things get bad enough will my husband be called to serve.  It doesn't help when your family is sending you email asking how your husband will be affected by the recent announcement.

In my head, I know that the odds of my husband's unit being called up again after only being home from their last deployment for 2 years is EXTREMELY small if not impossible, but if 9/11 taught us anything, it is to prepare for the unexpected. In my heart the fear of sending my husband off yet again into a foreign land is always there.  I find myself with mixed emotions today. I wonder if all the work I have been doing to sort through my issues will hold up to a surprise deployment if there is ever a need. Will I truly be ready to deal with the emotions of it all? I know some seasoned military wives may be thinking this girl needs to pull herself together and deal with it.

 I also know that because of deployment related issues the divorce rate at least within the National Guard climbs even today in our own unit. So I guess my answer to the "Seasoned" professional military wife would be that the journey through deployment is different for everyone and I choose to process my emotions rather than let them fester and potentially put my marriage at risk.

Here I go worrying about what others think and I tell my kids all the time they should never do that. I guess I need to set the example here and continue to focus on me and processing my issues without consideration of how others may think. 

It's date night tonight and I think instead of letting my heart take control and focus on the latest military news, I am going to let my head take over and focus on the positive aspects in our lives such as our upcoming vow renewal and something more recent like Sunday Dinner plans for this week.

Lesson for today: I learned that I need to continue to remind myself to focus on the facts at times when my emotions may get in the way and cause unnecessary worry.

Wishing you happiness and light!

Until next time,

Laura D.