With many things in my life I do this. I "decide" I'm going to be "over" something, whether it's an event, an emotion or relationship. I always attempt to bury that "hatchet" but I seem to leave the "handle hanging out" and keep grabbing for it. I am starting to think that when we hurt from something, we tend to grab onto old handles we have hanging out there and start swinging that hatchet as if it is going to knock out all of our pain.

It's funny I left for date last night and I was determined NOT to talk about Libya and focus on only positive things but it seemed that even trying to focus on other topics I couldn't shake what was really bugging me. I was in terrible pain with my foot but even with that it was somehow more difficult than ever to try to make the best of the situation. 

It's funny, the longer you are married to someone they just "know" when things aren't quite right with you. They know all of your faces, have experienced all of your emotions and soon learn to read you like a book. The problem I had last night was instead of discussing my worry about Libya, I grabbed a hold of an old handle that was hanging out and started swinging about some really old garbage when my husband confronted me with the fact that he knew something was wrong. 

First of all I don't know why I even hold on to the old stuff. I have to find a way to completely purge out the garbage if I truly want to bury it for good. Second, I don't know why I only pull it out when it's never the primary reason for my upset. Perhaps I do this because I am scared to face the real issues at hand. I don't fully understand that emotion either because I know I always feel better if I get my true emotions out. I guess that is a lesson I will have to learn over time. You know, one of those lessons you can only learn over time and circumstance.

Thankfully my husband "knows" me well enough to finally let go himself and stop pushing for the real answers. I think he finally understands that they will come out soon enough. They always do. I can't help but think that this concept is part of the "big picture" and a part of my healing process. Perhaps that's why my emotions about certain things can be so easily triggered by a song or even a silly television commercial. I guess I choose to believe I am being given little signals from up above to help keep me on this path of self exploration. One thing I know, if I am triggered by even the smallest thing, I am starting to take immediate notice and take my thoughts on a "walk" to explore how I feel or why I may feel a certain way.

Well it's Saturday and I am preparing for Sunday Dinner tomorrow so keeping it brief today. Lots to think about.

Lesson for today: I learned that I need to stay focused in the moment and true issue that is bothering me and leave those hatchets fully buried....

Wishing you happiness and light!

Until next time,

Laura D.