I read the first few verses and stopped when I got to:

I will always due my duty

no matter what the price

I've counted up the cost, I know the sacrifice

Oh, and I don't want to die for you

But if Dyin's asked of me

I'll bear that cross with honor

'Cause freedom don't come free.....

I think about this verse and know with all my heart that this is how my husband was born to feel about his service to his country. It brings tears to my eyes just reading the words because I can't even fathom that type of bravery and selflessness. It makes me feel even more proud of his service and even puts some of the garbage I have been sorting through in true prospective. All the times I have felt that he should have involved me in decisions regarding military duties that would call him away (for those he had a choice about) seem less of an impact to me now. I am able to let go of some of the hostility or resentment (call it what you will) that I have been carrying around for a really long time. Mostly because I am starting to understand that he was born to do what he does. Much like those who know they were born to sing or be nurses or writers, etc... it's instinctual for him to embrace any opportunity to serve or get additional training that may take him away but ultimately make him a better soldier. I guess when I look at it from that perspective, the better the soldier he is, the more likely he will come back to me should the need for another long term deployment come into our lives. I can't say I will ever be "happy" about it but I think for the first time I may be able to make peace with it.

People like my husband don't come around every day. Even in the military some soldiers are there to do their time and although they are just as brave, they don't necessarily feel being a soldier is truly at the core of who they want to be. They join for different reasons, learn different lessons and sometimes decide they will do their time and move on to what they love in another occupation. I guess what I am saying here is that I always knew I was lucky to have found a good man to love but I am starting to realize and appreciate even more just how special he really is. 

He is a man who loves his wife and his family but has a love of his country that has been with him much longer than us and I think may even run deeper and is an inseparable part of his character. What I need to learn is how to keep that in the forefront of my mind when he wants to go off to a special school that will help him during his military career or when he wants to volunteer for a humanitarian assignment that may take him to a dangerous environment.

The other thing I know for sure is that I need to find that something "special" within myself so that I can move forward and live my own journey with as much passion as he lives his when he is called to serve.

Lesson for the day: I learned it's always worth the extra effort to understand the true purpose and life path for all the people that you love. I also learned it's important to find a way to respect that "special" part of who they are and honor that.

Wishing you happiness and light!

Until next time,

Laura D.