I've been thinking a lot today about all the impacts of the chain of events following September 11th 2001 on me and my family. When you add them up it tells quite a story.

We started with the first phone call that sent my head spinning when my husband called me directly after the 2nd tower came crashing down to tell me he was just put on "alert". 

Between that day and today I feel as if it has been one roller coaster ride after another that would ultimately lead me into a life that I didn't know how to handle. As the wife of a soldier who is being put in harms way I feel that my entire family was forced to sacrifice in support of every mission. Sure our soldier's would sacrifice everything to defend our freedoms and support this country but the true sacrifice of those left behind is seldom discussed and certainly not totally understood unless you have walked a mile in our shoes.

Military wives sending their soldiers into combat zones and even long term deployments to places that are not as dangerous have a variety of sacrifices they make every day. I discovered this when doing research for my book and interviewing several different military wives with several different living situations.

Keep in mind that military wives have one thing in common. They all have a constant fear in the back or front of their minds that harm will come to their soldier and the worry about how they will manage during the absence. Some of the differences they have include:

The wife with small children: These women wake up and often deal with the question "when is daddy coming home?" and often cry because they don't understand what their soldier is doing because they are simple not old enough to know the entire truth about why their dad is away from them. Some of these women desperately try to shield their children from the news on television. They also have to field questions their children may bring home from school or other social activities. Kids are naturally curious and it's difficult to find creative ways to help them understand without scaring them. Some have issues sleeping, act up more than normal and some shut down emotionally (and I'm just talking about the kids). The wives in some cases live in an even more stressful environment by merely taking on the total support of the house and the children. An already very busy mom may find herself living exhausting days just trying to keep the household "feeling" normal by making sure as much as possible remains stable for the kids. In some cases (for those soldiers who have other "day" jobs) there is a financial sacrifice when they are called to military duty and the wife may struggle just to keep the bills paid, food on the table and other necessary items like clothing, books, entertainment, etc...these responsibilities don't go away just because the soldier is called into service. Some are left to manage the same financial responsibilities with less funding. All the while, the mom has to put on a brave face for her children and continue to tell her children that everything will be ok (while she prays it will be true).

The wife with teenagers: These women struggle with many of the same issues but their children are often old enough to understand much more and it is next to impossible to shield them from discussions with their peers at school, what they see on the news or hear on the radio. This brings a more unique challenge when it comes helping them keep things in perspective. Sometimes, like my own children they even think they need to step in and support their mothers and help fill the void left behind. They tend to grow up a little too fast when this is the case and feel more responsibility than a child of their age should ever feel. In some cases they act out more than they would if both parents were home and at that age acting up can easily turn into something serious.

So when I was doing my research I believed that this would perhaps be the easiest scenario to deal with but quickly discovered not only by my interviews but also my first hand experience during the 2nd deployment that this is just as difficult and in some cases even more. When you are missing your life partner, it impacts many aspects of your life. The depression that sometimes comes to those left behind is much easier to fall into because there are less daily distractions and depending on your activities and support system could go unnoticed. My writings over the last month should help depict the specific challenges I am still working to overcome.

The bottom line is that there are impacts and sacrifices for those left behind and for us there is no handbook and no training to prepare us for the journey. Sure we get lots of information packets but they really don't go far enough to prepare you for all that you will face. Our soldiers are deployed with as much training and knowledge about the missions they face. That's a wonderful thing to ensure they come home safely but if our families are left to "wing it", it can lead to long term affects before, during and following deployments. Some marriages don't survive, some struggle for a long time to get back on track and others can end up getting closer because of both parties putting in a lot of effort to communicate and understand each other while dealing with the after affects.

Lesson for today: I learned that military families need to be strong and that it doesn't matter what your home situation is, the void of  a deployed soldier is something that impacts all of us. Our challenges may be somewhat different, but we all have them.

Wishing you happiness and light!

Until next time,

Laura D.