Yep, I'm feeling sorry for myself today. I want so badly to get out and move. I guess I am learning a true lesson today about what it means to be patient. The problem is, the ceremony where  my husband will receive his award is only 2 weeks away, I have a dress that barely fits that I am wearing and no physical way to try to improve the situation. I need to be there looking my best and I feel horrible about the shape I am in. It's just another struggle to overcome the low self-esteem that seems to surface when I have no focus in my life and no real sense of purpose. I felt this way a lot over the the last few years. After 9/11 when I lost control of my situation, my self-esteem seemed to go out the window at the same time. It would resurface now and again as I managed to do some cool things like writing my song, my book, the performances and with every opportunity I had to share my experience with other military wives. However as I have written, things just haven't been the same since the 2nd deployment and it seems I am constantly struggling to let my light shine. My problem is that I just don't think anyone really cares to see it. I'm finding it more difficult every day to find true value in the person that I am. It's tough because even when people try to help by telling you how great you are (if they know your true feelings) it's hard to shake the ever present self doubt. 

I really need to find my center and to find that "something" that makes me feel special and that I am making a difference in this world.I do believe that if I can do that, it would take me a long way to overcoming the emotions I am still tethered to that drag me down from time to time.

I have a lot of work to do and extra challenges trying to do that work while suffering with this foot issue. But I guess as long as I continue to "write it out" I am moving forward even if they are just baby steps.

Lesson today: I guess I need to continue to look for the qualities in myself that I can be proud of and work towards some long term goals that will perhaps lead to my passion and that "thing" that makes me special.

Wishing you happiness and light!

Until next time,

Laura D.