However.... I think my issues are taking place more at night. I am starting to realize that it's at night when I miss him the most. Even though we are only together for a few hours every night when he is home because I go to bed so early, I just really miss knowing he is in the house. Last night was a tough one when it was time for bed. I started out sideways on the bed and thought I would be ok. Then my husband's bulldog kept me awake and then feeling sad because he was sleeping on the hard floor next to the door (instead of on his bed) and I just know he was waiting for his daddy to walk in the door. It just broke my heart! So I found myself getting out of bed and putting one of his favorite blankets on the floor next to him so he would have something soft to sleep on if he was insisting to stay at the door. He finally settled down after a few hours but has been moping around the house all day. I am hoping he will perk up in another day or so. 

I did wake up this morning feeling rested so I must have finally drifted off to some good sleep.

On a good note, I did get some stuff accomplished today (even more than I had originally planned) so I am making progress! I haven't really had much time for reading but plan to tune into Betty Eadie's "Ripple Affect" tonight. Her writings of what she learned during her Near Death Experience, keep me positive and help to feed more and more of my curiosity. 

You know I have been wondering if I could really get a good idea about how I will do trying to take back my independence in a week. Then I remembered everything I have been learning over the last few months and more recently about how we are "Prepared" by our life experiences to meet our "Opportunity" when it comes around. Then I started thinking back as far as my first year as a military wife. 

The first weekend my husband left for drill for 2 days, I was busy but also consumed by how much I missed him. I got through a few of those and the next challenge of facing 2 weeks in the summer was thrown my way. I didn't know how I would get through those weeks. Before he even left the house, I remember I had written him a letter for every day that he would be gone and gave him the specific instructions to only read one a day and read them in order. I missed him so much during that first 2 week training cycle. It took me a few years but eventually I did get used to the weekends and even learned to adjust to the 2 week training sessions each summer. Then came 9/11. 

Although we were living with the constant threat of deployment, I was again being "prepared" for what was coming. In the Winter of 2002, my husband was deployed as security for the Winter Olympics. This was a deployment that would last a few months instead of the 2 weeks I had started to be more comfortable with. I managed pretty good during this time. This was during a time that I totally started my 'changing things up" theory. This was when I got the reputation for making major changes around the house while my husband was away. I decided to paint and wall paper our bedroom and then in a drastic mood swing decided to buy all new bedroom furniture. It was such a surprise to my husband when he got home but more importantly, all of the work it took, helped to occupy my time. I was busy and all consumed by this project for the majority of the time he was away. He called often during those times and somehow the time seemed to fly by. I didn't see it as preparation at the time for what was to come within the next year but now I see I was slowly being seasoned to separate from him for a little longer with each deployment. By the time he was sent overseas, I was certainly down and missed him terribly. I was fearful of his safety and just wanted him home but I did find a way to make it through this time. It was during this time that I wrote the majority of my book which was therapy for me and I certainly spent time with others that were going through the same thing and was surrounded by folks that could support me in a way that I needed at that time. 

He deployed again shortly after returning from his first deployment to assist with Hurricane Katrina victims but that deployment was so much different. It wasn't as long and it was for the greater good here at home in America. 

At the end of the day I think the lesson here is that we are prepared and given the tools we need over time to manage situations that are coming in our future. For all I know, my horrible experience during the 2nd deployment could have been meant to prepare me for the work I am doing now in my exploration and desire to share with others.

Well, that's a lot to digest for today. I'm off to feed the animals and get myself ready for bed so I can curl up with my book.

Wishing you Happiness and Light!

Until next time,

Laura D.